Whirlwind

Man, where did the semester go? So much for, umm, regularly updating. It's more that I can never really figure out what to say. Back in the days of high school xanga, I knew who my audience was, and I somehow felt so much more comfortable about posting tidbits about my daily life. Certain people would at least find it interesting. But what do I say now? Who even reads this? It seems somewhat pointless to put a piece of almost-but-not-so-much personal reflection on display if you're not really sure what you're catering to...

...and then there's the thought - oh, well, maybe it's just for my own personal fulfillment. Hrm. What would that entail? Actually, believe it or not, I think blogging (or, well, more accurately, xanga-ing) back in the day gave me some sort of excuse to collect my thoughts together in a fashion coherent enough for public viewing. I also journal, but because I know I don't really care about what I say there, my entries usually end up being some incoherent stream-of-consciousness mixed in multiple languages. I've felt like my coherence factor - you know, the coherence of those wannabe profound statements that I occasionally make in section or seminar - has really gone downhill lately. Maybe this will help?

Speaking of coherence in section and seminar - I'm taking a graduate history seminar this semester, and I'm actually utterly terrified of the final 20-30 page paper that I will be writing. History research is worlds away from science research; in science research, you look at results, and you're like, hrm, well, that new information tells me xyz. In history research, you look at stuff that everyone else has produced, and you look at source material, and you try to make your own mark on things by saying, well, other people have looked at this stuff from xyz perspective, but I'm going to put it in a new frame of reference (har har...just finished a pset on relativity) and answer these neverbefore asked questions. My paper is on the "new" nationalistic Chinese music created in the 1940's and 50's, and I've read a ton of stuff and have a ton of background material, but I haven't yet come up with a thesis. I had to present my topic in class today, and I was surprised at how music I knew about the topic - I could answer everyone's questions! - but I still haven't been able to figure out how to string it all together to form a clear argument. That, and I was getting a bit woozy from the rain (does anyone else get headaches from rain? I need to move out of Boston), so I really had a hard time being coherent.

Only a week and two days of classes left, and then reading period and finals and summer. I can't wait, but I'm also sad that I'll still be on campus this summer. There's a certain sense of adventure that comes with applying new surroundings and new daily routines. While I'll be living off-campus and having to make my own food and such, I'll still be going to the same lab every day and being in the same vicinity, which takes out maybe 55% of the adventure. That said, I applied for an NIH grant last week, thanks to Obama's Recovery Act for science research. If I get that and HCRP, then maybe I'll have money to do some traveling this summer. Maine or Colorado or Canada, perhaps? And I've decided that if I do get the extra money, I'm going to take violin lessons again. Because it's been a reeeeeally long time since I've had any need to shift above fifth position (read: intonation has totally gone downhill) and and even longer since I've actually practiced solo music. And I kinda miss it.